Here I am again, grappling with the emotional chaos that comes hand-in-hand with the art of ghosting. You know that perplexing act where someone you thought had potential disappears into thin air, leaving you in a confusing limbo. It's like a plot twist in the ongoing saga of modern romance, and I can't help but wonder, am I the star of this show or just an unwitting extra?
So, I was, swiping left and right in the digital dating realm. His profile? A picturesque blend of wit and charm, and our conversations were the stuff romcoms are made of. Our connection was tangible, or so I thought. Until it wasn't.
I woke up one morning, phone in hand, expecting another hilarious emoji-laden message to start my day, only to be met with... silence. No witty banter, no clever quips, just radio silence. It felt like I had stumbled into an episode of my own romantic thriller, and I was left to piece the puzzle together with no instructions.
I replayed our conversations in my mind, analyzing every word, every comma, trying to decipher where it all went south. Was it my declaration of undying love for classic literature? Jane Austen? Bridget Jones? Or the accidental mention of my dog's obsession with window-watching? Whatever the reason, I was left dangling over the edge of uncertainty, which was ungrounding.
It's astounding how the absence of words can evoke such a whirlwind of emotions. Doubt, frustration, and that ever-persistent itch of wondering whether I did something utterly cringe-worthy that sent him running for the hills. It's like I was stuck in a loop of overthinking, a merry-go-round of self-doubt that I couldn't escape.
Yet, amidst this emotional chaos storm, I've realized something. Ghosting isn't about me. It's a reflection of his own issues, insecurities, and inability to deal with the complexities of human connection. In this world of swipes and screens, it's so easy to vanish with the tap of a button. But isn't that just cowardly?
As I sip my decaf flat white at my favourite corner cafe, I can't help but smile. The power is back in my hands, and I refuse to let this ghosting episode define me. I'll embrace my passion for literature, my dog's quirks, and the undeniable fact that I deserve someone who can handle the highs and lows of honest communication.
So, here's to moving forward, ladies, with my head, held high and my heart open to the next adventure, whatever it may be. After all, if Carrie Bradshaw could conquer the tumultuous world of Manhattan dating, indeed, I can navigate these modern waters with grace and a dash of humour.
Here are my views on "Ghosting" and how to recoup from this bittersweet experience.
Ghosting refers to suddenly and without explanation cutting off all communication with someone, especially in romantic relationships or friendships. It can have significant emotional and psychological effects on the person who is being ghosted.
Is Ghosting a form of Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic that abusers use to make you question your own reality, thus absolving them of responsibility. Ghostlighting is the combination of both: ghosting someone, then denying it. The aim is to make you question whether you were mistreated instead of taking responsibility
Emotional and Psychological Effects of Ghosting:
- Rejection and Abandonment: Being ghosted can evoke feelings of rejection, abandonment, and inadequacy. The sudden disappearance of someone can lead to questioning one's self-worth and desirability.
- Anxiety and Uncertainty: Ghosting often leaves the person uncertain, causing anxiety and stress. Not knowing what happened or why the other person left can lead to overthinking and ruminating.
- Loss of Trust: Ghosting can erode trust in future relationships. It can make individuals hesitant to open emotionally for fear of being hurt again.
The Emotional Whirlwind
When it happened to me, I couldn't believe it. One moment we were sharing laughter, dreams, and late-night chats, and the next, silence. It's like someone turned off the lights and left me stumbling in the dark. Emotionally, I felt a whirlwind – confusion, disappointment, and a deep sense of rejection.
Being ghosted took a toll on my self-esteem. I replayed every conversation, searching for that one thing I must have said wrong. I questioned my worthiness and wondered if I deserved love and connection. It's astonishing how one person's silence can trigger such a cascade of self-doubt.
The Courage to Confront Cowardice:
Let's call it what it is – ghosting is a cowardly act. It's the epitome of avoiding discomfort, sidestepping vulnerability, and failing to treat someone with the respect they deserve. When you engage with someone on an emotional level, you owe them the decency of open communication, even if it's difficult.
I've been on the other side, too. Yes, I admit it. I've ghosted people, and it's humbling to acknowledge that. Karma came knocking, and let me tell you, it's a relentless teacher. Experiencing ghosting firsthand has made me understand the impact of my own actions. It's a reminder that we should strive to treat others as we wish to be treated – with kindness, honesty, respect and consideration.
Why Do People Ghost?
Ghosting can occur for a variety of reasons:
- Conflict Avoidance: Some individuals might lack the communication skills or emotional maturity to address difficult conversations or conflicts. Ghosting can be a way to avoid confrontation.
- Fear of Commitment: People of any gender may struggle with commitment or intimacy, leading them to retreat or disappear when a relationship becomes more serious.
- Personal Insecurities: Self-doubt and insecurity can lead anyone to withdraw from a situation rather than face potential rejection or vulnerability.
- Lack of Interest: Sometimes, ghosting occurs simply because someone loses interest or connection and doesn't know how to express it honestly.
- Social Pressures: Cultural or societal expectations can play a role. Some people may feel pressure to conform to certain dating norms or avoid awkward conversations.
- Convenience: In today's digital age, it is easier than ever to cut off communication with a click of a button. This convenience can lead to ghosting with little thought.
It's crucial to recognize that ghosting reflects an individual's behaviour shaped by personal experiences, emotions, and circumstances. It is always important to approach discussions about behaviours like ghosting with empathy, objectivity and understanding, focusing only on the individual's actions and juvenile behaviour.
Smart Ways to Respond and Recover:
- Give Yourself Permission to Feel: Feeling hurt and disappointed is okay. Acknowledge your emotions rather than suppressing them.
- Reach Out Once: I do not believe in reaching out - I am not into resurrecting the dead, so RIP. But I know some people need closure, so if you need it and feel comfortable, send a polite message expressing your feelings. Remember, their response (or lack thereof) does not reflect your worth.
- Lean on Your Support System: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your feelings. Sharing your experience can provide validation and help you process.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the kindness you would offer a friend. Remind yourself that being ghosted says more about them than it does about you.
- Focus on Healing: Engage in activities that bring you joy and promote healing. Self-care, hobbies, and spending time with loved ones can help you regain your balance.
- Learn and Grow: Use this experience as an opportunity for personal growth. Reflect on what you want from future relationships and how to communicate more openly.
Ultimately, being ghosted is a challenging chapter in the Book of Life. It's a reminder of our shared vulnerability as human beings and a call to rise above the shadows of silence. By responding with grace and resilience, we show ourselves that we are stronger than the silence – and that our worth is not defined by another person's immature actions.
So, I put together a guided meditation to face the ghost and emerge stronger on the other side. Remember, goddess, you are worth more than the echoes of silence.
Body Awareness Guided Meditation for Healing from Ghosting and Rejection
Body Awareness (Somatic + Embodiment) practices combines breathwork, mantra, meditation, and movement to help us recognize, release and shift emotional residue in our bodies.
Welcome to this guided meditation for healing from the pain of being ghosted and rejected. Find a comfortable and quiet space where you can relax and fully immerse yourself in this practice.
Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Allow your body to settle into a state of relaxation.
Breathwork and Centering:
Start by taking a deep breath in through your nose, letting your chest and belly expand. And exhale slowly through your mouth, releasing any tension you may be holding. Feel yourself becoming present in this moment, anchored by your breath. Feel the breath as a soothing wave, gently washing away any negativity.
Balancing Masculine and Feminine Energies with Kundalini Moves
Close your eyes and imagine a warm, golden light flowing through you from your sacral chakra to your heart chakra – this vortex represents the balance of masculine and feminine energies. Feel this light anchoring you, giving you a sense of empowerment and stability.
Concurrently, in a seated position rotates your upper body (torso) in both clockwise and anticlockwise directions coordinating with the breath. The active rotation of the torso brings energy to the body. The coiled inactive energy at the base of the spine is made active, allowing it to move freely as the passages are cleared with this grind. The flow of prana is said to move upwards through the chakras unblocking them. The hips, lower back, shoulders, and pelvis are the areas to store tensions and emotions by rotating your torso, you will be able to awaken and release all the pent-up anger and resentment or other disempowering emotions.
Breath and rest for 30 seconds
Now let’s eradicate the ego with some breath of fire. we will breath for 1-3 minutes with eyes closed.
Breath of fire works on the ego, while simultaneously releasing stale air from your lungs, expanding lung capacity, & increasing vital energy. It relaxes any tension around the heart; strengthens the nervous system to help manage stress, thus restoring nervous system balance.
In this Ego Eradicator posture, the thumbs are pointing straight up, fingers scrunched on the pads of hands at the base of the fingers, with the thumbs at a 90 degree angle to the rest of the fingers, and the knuckles are pointed out to the sides.
Posture: Sit on heels, in Rock Pose, or with legs crossed in Easy Pose, or sit on a chair with your feet flat on the floor.
Apply the Neck Lock.
Keep arms straight and lift the arms up to an angle 60 degrees.
Draw the shoulder blades down over the back of the ribs, so the shoulders are pressed away from the ears.
Curl the fingertips onto the pads of the palms, with the Thumbs stretched Straight UP above the head.
Thumbs DO NOT point at each other.
Shifting Perspective with an EFT Tapping Somatic + Embodiment Practice
- Acknowledging the Pain:
You begin to shift your perspective, as you gently tap on the karate chop point of your hand, while repeating the following affirmations out loud, allowing the words to sink in:
"Even though I keep attracting toxic relationships, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though I got ghosted, ouch. I am experiencing this painful feeling right here, right now. I accept, forgive, and love myself completely. I choose to seek peace and release drama."
- Processing the Experience:
Take a deep breath and imagine the situation where you were ghosted. Feel the emotions and confusion that arose. As you hold that memory, gently tap on your chest with your fingertips, acknowledging the feelings that may be lingering.
"It feels personal – maybe this person is not over their ex. Maybe they lost their phone, or they died, RIP. Maybe they were not ready for the connection we shared. Maybe my spiritual beliefs were too much for them, or maybe my puppy scared them away."
"I forgive myself for entertaining immature and unavailable people. I release the need to understand why they ghosted me. I choose to let go of their energy, their time, and their impact on me." Right here, right now, I take my power back. I reclaim all my energy back and return the shitty energy back to sender.
Round 1 - Releasing Negative Emotions:
Tap on each meridian point while speaking the following statements aloud or in your mind:
Eyebrow: "I'm tired of constant rejection. Being ghosted is painful, it sucks"
Side of Eye: "I'm angry, but I'm willing to release this anger."
Under Eye: "I've faced lying, cheating, silent treatment and shady behavior."
Under Nose: "I'm tired of being ghosted and still thinking about this coward."
Chin: "I deserve more than I've settled for."
Collarbone: "Sometimes my heart feels broken."
Side of Arm: "I've accepted less than I'm worth."
Wrists: "This toxic pattern is all I know."
Top of Head: "I acknowledge these feelings, and I'm open to healing. I choose today to let this person go. They don’t deserve my energy, my time, my effort, my love so I would like to pivot my thinking now and take my power back.”
Round 2 - Exploring Beliefs and Resistance:
Take a moment to reflect on these statements and any beliefs or emotions that arise. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up and remind yourself that this is a safe space for healing and transformation.
Round 3 – Reclaiming Your Power
Now, tap on each point again, shifting to positive affirmations:
Eyebrow: "I am worthy of love and support."
Side of Eye: "I respect and love myself unconditionally."
Under Eye: "I am strong and capable of attracting goodness. A high vibrational partner"
Under Nose: "I release the pain of the past and make space for healing."
Chin: "I deserve true love and respect."
Collarbone: "I am ready to attract healthy, loving and genuine relationships."
Side of Arm: "I am worthy of being treated with kindness, respect, consideration and honor."
Wrists: "I am brave enough to let go of what doesn't serve me."
Round 4 – Opening to Receiving
Eyebrow: "I am manifesting a woman/man who chooses me."
Side of Eye: "I am opening my heart to a man who takes the time to learn about me."
Under Eye: "I am attracting a partner that knows what it means to choose a woman/man fully"
Under Nose: "My life partner is confident, who understands what he desires and believes I will complement him/she and his/her purpose."
Chin: "I am manifesting a man/woman who is committed to what a healthy relationship requires."
Collarbone: "I am manifesting a partner who is ready and willing to open its heart to intimacy, depth, growth, love and connection."
Side of Arm: "I am worthy of being treated with kindness, respect, consideration and honor."
Wrists: "I choose to open my hearth and welcome true, unconditional love."
Top of Head: "I am open to receive the love and happiness I deserve. Clearly, this person was not the right person anyway, so I gracefully release them and thank them for the lessons"
Breath deeply and feel the shift in your energy. Gently put your hands on your breast while acknowledging the feelings that may be lingering and repeat:
"I am an amazing, incredible person. I am a fucking catch, deserving of love and respect. The right person will come into my life so right here, right now, I choose to release any lingering disappointment, confusion, sadness, resentment, and anger. I release the 'WTF' feeling. This rejection is God's protection and redirection, so I choose to be grateful"
Press now your gamut point which is found on the back of your hand (roughly an inch below your knuckles) between your ring finger and little finger and repeat:
There are parts of me that have been healed by this, and there are parts of me that have not been healed yet. The parts that have not healed yet are willing to learn from the parts that have. My mind, body, spirit, and energy system are accepting that information now. New neural pathways are being created. The information transfer is complete. I am grateful, thank you for everything divine.
Closing the Meditation:
Lie down and take a deep breath in, filling your lungs with positive energy, and exhale slowly, releasing any remaining tension. As you open your eyes, bring with you the sense of empowerment, self-love, and the knowledge that the right person will show up when the time is right.
Remember, you are worthy of love, respect, and happiness, and this experience is just a steppingstone on your journey towards reclaiming your self-worth and moving forward on a path of healing and growth.
Cheers to finding the love you deserve. You have the power within you to heal, grow, and attract the right person into your life.
Have you ever been ghosted?
Have you experienced that bewildering dance of emotions, the echoing silence, the unanswered messages? Ghosting is a rollercoaster of emotions that can leave you feeling lost, frustrated, and questioning your self-worth. I would love to hear your POV and the intelligent ways to respond and recover from such a traumatic experience.